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Flash Gordon - (Film)


I wanted to write a fair review of this moving picture, so I fired my butler Colworth.He's been in the family for thirty years, but he does not know a good film when he sees one, like when I rented out Schindler's List and he thought it was about a group of ex american comandos hidden underground that could help if you knew how to find them, some kind of "A" team apparantly, comprised of idiots and closet homosexuals (probably)
Anyway, as I drop-kicked Colworth's bags into a river it occured to me I best watch the film and write a review.
As the film started I remembered i'd seen it before.
It must have been 1983, in London, the Empire I think, yes, I had butterkist (butterkist ra ra ra)
The film opens with a space man called Ming the man one and his assistant Cliff (or something)watching Earth and shooting weather at it.
Flash is an all star american quarter back on a private plane with a woman called Gale, we know straight away that he will sex her later when he gets time.
Anyway, they get stuck in the air and crash in Dr Zarkoff's house.
Zarkoff is making a giant space bastard that will go to the moon and beyond, Flash, Zarkoff and Gale end up going with him.
They end up on Mungo, a planet full of Mungs. They are arrested by red spastics and brought to Ming the Man one, Flash plays football with all the spastics, but is then executed for being blonde and sexy.
To be honest, I got a phone call from here on and I got chatting, you know how it is, It was Colworth, crying about his mothers ashes or soemthing, anyway, by the time i'd finished talking to him and had a wee the film had long finished.
But I remember the end perfectly well.
Flash saves the day and he takes Lax Luther to the prison, Lex then takes off his wig, and Otis looks surprised, as we are, I didnt know he was bald!!
Then Superman flies off and over the planet.
Hooray!!
Oh, wait a minute, That's not Flash Gordon.
Never Mind.
I liked it.

Rating: 5/5
By Lord Bullock of Hampshire


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