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Lord of The Rings:the Fellowship of The Ring By Jrr Tolkien - (Book)
I have been interested in "The Lord of the Rings" ever since i was a small child, or "Halfling" as you may say.
I never got round to reading the book, as it appeared a scary massive thing, plus, i was a very small child, only about 16 inches tall until the age of 16.
When i was 12 i picked it up to have a quick look and it fell on my legs, smashing them to tiny pieces, they were so crushed that when my dad (who was a giant, over 28 feet tall) lifted up the book my legs were as flat as, well, something flat...a pankcake, yes.
So i am now in a wheelchair, thanks Tolkien!
Over the years i picked up elements of the story from friends, who kindly read me passages while i had my legs re-inflated, so they look normal, but they are useless, im still a virgin as no man would fancy a woman who is only a foot high in a giant wheelchair with no legs.
But, on a lighter note, im really ugly, so it doesnt matter anyway.
Im off to read, i have the two towers here, ill just pick it up.......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
HELLO, IM JENNY'S GIANT DAD, SHE IS DEAD UNDER A BOOK, HOPE YOU DONT MIND IF I WROTE THE "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" BIT, AND THE PARAGRAPH BEFORE, BUT SHE IS DEAD, AND WELL, IT'S WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED, PLUS, SHE WAS UGLY.
I THINK I WILL PUT HER BODY IN A BOX AND USE MY NEW SHOOTING MACHINE I INVENTED AND FIRE HER LIFELESS TINY BODY INTO THE HEART OF OUR SUN.
TOODLE PIP, MR SANDERS.