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Gordons Browns' New Economic Strategy - (Other)
To the people of Britain.
As you will be aware, the nation is struggling for cash; and by nation I mean hardworking single people who are trying to save enough spuds to start a family or even a life of some kind without taking another hit from the governments' random tax machine; not us rich bastard or leeches on society who are not actually effected by this nonsense.
Anyhoo, as it turns out we've widened the goalposts for these hardworking folks about as far as we can get away with and unfortunately there is nothing much more to invent taxes on. So allow me to introduce my new super stealth tax.
Entitled 'The Settee Tax'. I have employed a series of health and safety excecutives, anylists and settee wardens at the costs of one billion of your earth pounds to put together a mandatory monthly tax on your settee.
It will be segmented into these sections-
Size of settee - £1 per cm3
Shape of settee -extra £0.75 per mm3
Change down back of settee - Calculated at 75% of value + vat
Settee sitting time - £98.5 per hour per weekday. Weekend discount of 7.2%
Material of settee - Bottom of scale (crimpoline £1 per cm3) : Top of scale (faux leather (£10 cm3)
Amount of settees in house - £112.50 per annum per settee, (stately homes excempt)
From April 1st it will be MANDATORY to display your sette tax disc on all settees in or outside the home. Failure to do so will incur a fixed penalty; and by fixed I mean variable. Your settee/s may be crushed if your tax disc is not displayed as outlined in the governments' V62.8 form.
High performance settees will be slightly dearer, and by slightly I mean much dearer.
People who are excempt from the settee tax -
The toffs (rich or poor)
Why are they excempt ? Due to the levy on our financial infrastructure it would not be beneficial to you as a nation not to subsadise the 5 percentile who own all the wealth, and also want the rest of it; and will !
(Or in laymens terms; 'cos I said so)
All the best, your pal and leader; and by leader I mean King Pin in organised crime, raqueteering, prostetution, hoarding nazi gold, war inventing, fibbing, scaring innocent people into anything that can make me money, cheating at cards, evolution supressing, slave trading, america loving bastard..
and that doesn't stand for Great Britain.