The Book Group
Guide Dogs For The Blind
An Interview With Guilt Johnson
|I hate sitting in the back.
Paul has one of those giant jeeps, it was roomy but smelt like stale wanks.
"Only seventy five pounds to fill her up" Paul announced, as if I give a fuck, I thought, but didn't say as I was eating a biscuit.
Bruno was sat in the front seat talking on his mobile phone to some one or other, I wasn't listening, I just kept putting the biscuit crumbs into the hood of his jacket.
"I saw Daisy Howman the other day" Paul uttered, "She promised I would get a mention in the book."
Daisy Howman was a journalist for The Times on Sunday who was writing a book called "The Top ten stockbrokers"
Paul felt he was in the top ten, I agreed as I thought I might get another biscuit.
Bruno finished on the phone, he smoked a cigarette and moaned about how his girlfriend didn't understand him.
They were due to marry in one month and he hadn't even arranged anything, well, he didn't know he hadn't, but as a stag night present I had cancelled all the arrangements and sellotaped his nan to a lamppost naked, come to think of it, no one has found her yet.
Paul worked for a fashion magazine called "Helmet" their feature this month was titled, "Bird Watching, the new football?"
Paul and Bruno talked me into coming with them to "do some research" I agreed as I had stolen some binoculars from Mrs Singh upstairs.
We spent the first hour watching a tree, then Paul said he was bored and took out some of the drug Cocaine, Paul and Bruno spent the next two hours telling each other how much money they had and looking angry, I saw a few birds, but I have no idea which ones they were.
It was then I decided to start collecting them, every time one landed near me I decided to hold it down and give it a name.
In the end I saw many birds, but I couldn't think of good names on the spot, so they were all called "Terry"
Paul and Bruno were kissing when I got back to the jeep, they said that in the time I was gone they had decided that the new "football" was male gay sex and that they just had it and it was better as there was something to hold during,
Paul was on hold at "Helmet" to tell his editor about his new article, "Bumming, the new straight?"
I asked Bruno if he could get me Bill Oddie's telephone number, I was keen to tell him about the Terrys I'd seen, he said he didn't know it.
I was about to go and look for more when I remembered about Bruno's nan and the lamp-post, I reminded Bruno that she'd been there at least two weeks, he seemed upset at first, then i don't remember much else, saw three more Terrys though when I woke up.
Cold walk home.
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