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Water Retention
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Water Retention

Water Retention

Saturday, I thought, a menace in its own way.
The breakfast routine had fallen by the wayside in weeks gone by, I no longer had my Sugar Puffs as they made my wee smell and taste funny, I am at a loss to even contemplate an adequate replacement.
The tea I have made is off, it is listless and dull, I should of had the Campari and soda.
I was due in work today, Bruno wanted me to help him with some charity work, but fuck that I thought, its not my sister dieing, to be honest even if it was I still wouldn't give a cobblers toss.
My neighbour has been round, he is convinced his toilet gives people cancer, he asked if I would help him move his mother as she starting to smell like copper, I let him know i would be round at 8 minutes past 4 tomorrow, and that he should get some bin bags in.
Is it any wonder that we have stooped so low when you watch Saturday morning television? Long gone are the days of squawking hand puppets and sexually promiscuous presenters talking to boy bands or non gender specific singers dressed like buccaneers, I attempted to change the channel when Bruno rang, I told him that I wouldn't be able to help today as my left ball came off, he seemed to believe me, he said something about never helping me out again, I didn't really listen as I was checking my balls, just in case coincidence should strike.
What was wrong with staying at home anyway? Pol Pot stayed at home for his last few years and it didn't do him any harm.
Dinner tonight may be a problem though, I put all the food in the toilet last night, I had water retention problems.
Still, there is always Sugar Puffs, I suppose I will just have to get used to the taste.


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