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The Perfect Day
Adventures In b.b.q.'ing

23/06/09
As I removed the manhole cover from my underground layer on Sunday the 21st of june 2009 I stood before a world free from the angst of day to day life. Today I didnt have to talk to anyone I didnt want to and nobody could use, abuse and mock me. Today All across the land and the very universe people coexisted in harmony. Even steven seagal had twittered that he was having a nice day on mount olympus and that all us mortals should take a leaf from his autobiography, (the bible) and do the same.

As I wandered into the garden I was greeted by the smokey tones of many a neighbours bbq, so I thought Id have a stab at one. I prepared myself with my patented 5 step going out procedure and ventured out to the supermarket.

Step 1 - make sure comb over is in place and good as its ever going to get
Step 2 - inflate space hopper or lube up roller skates attached to bowling shoes
Step 3 - attach false moustache and/or comedy oversize mono-brow
Step 4- remember jaws of life for automatic door un-jamming procedure
Step 5 - put on sunglasses with only one lens like that bloke off Airwolf

After parking the hopper up I ventured through the automatic doors of the scoopermarket making sure I passed through with another shopper as unfortunately automatic doors dont recognise my presence.
Once in I only needed two things; some chicken and some bbq coals but unfortunately theyd run out of both. However, I did discover a large pile of bbq eco-fuel and some green chicken I found in the heavily reduced rack by 3 new pence.

Once back and following the instructions precisely, I lit the bbq. Everything seemed well when I left it to get going but when I came back with the chicken I noticed the bbq was still cold. I spent the next two hours using and running out every flammable object in the house until I was reduced to using the citronella for the outside torch; still nothing, at its hottest point I could have used the coals to cool my pear cider, yet the flames they made were enough to singe my novelty oversize mono-brow.

Just another one of lifes many mysteries.


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Comments about This Article

Let me get my chopsticks and then I'll be ready for #16As for #14, relapce the strawberries and add pomegranate, then spritz some lemon juice as a "dressing" you'll get a delicious antioxidant salad. My mom lives on that stuff. All thanks to Nigella Lawson.
Comment By: Domingas, 01 Dec 2015, Rating: 5/5

A5BGUQ Im grateful for the article post.Really thank you! Keep writing.
Comment By: crorkz matz, 05 Aug 2014, Rating: 3/5

B7SVYu I cannot thank you enough for the blog post.Thanks Again.
Comment By: matzcrorkz, 04 Aug 2014, Rating: 1/5

超喜歡 :mag: & :hl1: 0既icon teach me how to make a clok ma and clok b pls?u shd make one for heilam 爹 too la!我老公係美國怪 in love with US so much lor, he alwyas wanna place a visit to Shenzhen's Walmart,wonder if Mainland's Walmart 係賣美國0野多還是祖國0野呢? reply on August 7th, 2007:係呀, 我都覺得要整個heilam 爹 然後迫佢成日留言比我, Mainland’s Walmart 係8成以上祖國0野架,不過對於生活在大6冇得shopping o既我來講我己十分滿足呢~~~下次北上來我家玩幾日帶你去參觀一下~~hehe
Comment By: Kelia, 21 Dec 2012, Rating: 3/5

It doesn't sound that perfect.
Comment By: Barry Bramptons Big Book of BBQ'ing, 14 Aug 2009, Rating: 5/5

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