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The Hamilton Khaki

16/06/09
If; like me you’re a fan of ‘80’s action films with un-forgettable one liners such as, ‘He’s alright but he’s no Colm Meany’ and ‘Does he know his shoes are on fire ?’; then you’d also be impressed with the wrist wear worn by many of our action heroes. I'm not talking about a sterling silver identity bracelet; I mean a fine wristwatch.

I’ve been collecting watches for many years now but until now have never progressed beyond the ‘casio’ and as I advance ever closer to my midlife crisis years the hourly chirp of a chorus of perfectly synchronised watches has left me not as fulfilled in life as you may think.

So after seconds of investigation on what watch would be the prime choice timepiece for a prime movie star such as Matthias Hues, I came across a brand name call Hamilton. Unfortunately they were much more expensive than the average casio, so I could only afford to purchase a used model from a highly suspect Miami based seller known only on the internet as; ‘The Hammer’. Expecting the watch to turn up still attached to the wrist of it’s original owner I awaited in anticipation checking the u.s.p.s’s concise updates over a seventy four hour period until it landed on our fair shores where it the seemed to rest in Rotherham for seven days before British customs grabbed it and hoovered an extra twenty quid out of my pocket for express delivery.
Two weeks later it completed it’s journey and is sitting proud on my wrist. The Hammer said that the watch would get me noticed and bring me compliments from strangers; so I rolled up one sleeve of my anorak and set about to impress the ladies: Something was wrong, it seemed like people were going out of their way to deliberately avoid me. Everywhere I looked pensioners crossed the street, mothers averted their childrens’ gaze. What could it have been; the Jesus sandles, the white socks with light blue cadet piping, the half mast nearly new Cherokee pants, I’d even whipped my testicles out and held the watch at crotch level jangling my wrist just like ‘The Hammer’ had suggested.
I guess people were just distracted by the quasi-satellite know as Cruithne and it’s 1:1 horseshoe orbit around the sun as it nears Earth to 12.5 million kilometres in July of the year 2292.

Oh well !


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