|Hello, and welcome to my blog.
You may not realise that the word blog actually derives from an old Icelandic proverb stating, Ďmany brave souls come from the village nearby to gather the earwax from woolly mammoth to make mighty fine candle but only the one who can be bothered to see it through shall be reading two ronnies manuscript tonight'.
You may also not realise I usually say and do the first thing that comes into my head and have little to no control of my own thoughts.
Saying this, my blog will rarely contain topical information or solutions to the problems we face as a nation or a planet. However If one day you find your window box overrun by triffids, or if you notice in the mirror youíre Charlton Heston and thereís no one else about, or even if you hear voices from your pockets and when you check thereís nothing there; then the contents here within you will find invaluable.
Until the next level 1 triffid attack I bid you farewell; be cautious, beware of things on I.t.v, get less sleep, skulk about in the shadows and never, ever tread on a crack.
Until then allow me to leave you with a few essential life tips~
1- If cornered by one or more triffids make sure youíre wearing a Hoffmeister bear tee shirt; preferably one that says, ĎIíve got a Ďbearí behindí, on the back. Apparently triffids find this highly amusing and are liable to let you go with a caution.
2- If you spot Bill Oddie, run up to him and rub something organic in his beard.
3- Convince others you can disappear in a cloud of smoke, making sure you never actually go through with it.
4- Donít give William Shatner his own chat show.
5- If you see a red fox with a silver tipped cane wearing a top hat and a monocle, donít ask it the time. You will be enveloped in a world of confusion similar to Total Recall but with no reason to ever get your ass to Mars, take a johnny cab, or get to tell anyone that you didnít realise they weíre so kinky.
I warned you. . .
P.s, the fox goes by the name Topper Harley.
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