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Back in the Day

25/01/10
Back in the day, is a phrase I’m hearing a lot these days; usually by James Caan in gangster films as he reminisces about ‘life’ in the old country, but especially my own dad who was Italian and also reminisced about the old country: friends like Benny the Snitch, Blood Bath Rico, Mario the Fixer, Lucky Lou Leatherface and uncle Tommy Five-Tone; that is until he was ‘removed’ from ‘the old country’ and started afresh in the good old u of k.

I remember as a child, my Dad telling me bedtime stories such as the time Benny the Snitch went missing so he and uncle Tommy tried to find him. They were so worried they even put on a boat trip for Benny’s family and took them all swimming with the fishes. Benny’s family must have enjoyed the seaside so much because they never left or ever visited. However still worried about Benny, my Dad got the rest of his friends together and eventually found him hiding with an order of nuns in a monastery. Dad and his friends must have enunciated a good argument about the distorted views of religion because he decided to take the nuns out and they didn’t resist; Dad said he was always smooth with the ladies.
They then tried to put a tag on Benny, making it quite the game of tigs because Benny managed to tag Lucky Lou first, and as Dad said, that was the day Lucky Lou lost his luck.
I miss my Dads stories. He lived his life as he died; in mysterious circumstances.

This brings me back to my original point; my own back in the day tale.

It was the late 1980’s; quite the decade for me what with The Fall Guy and then Moonlighting there wasn’t a moment to spare; however I found enough time to ghost write Richard Stilgoes’ autobiography entitled, ‘I am the Glimmer Man’.
The success of the book put me right in the heart of the big city, in an office next door to the Blue Moon Detective Agency; they were good times indeed. I spent my days sharpening pencils and drawing gnomes; that is until Agnes and Herbert from the office next door talked me into appearing on a new French quiz show called, ‘Le maze du crystal’; hosted by a full haired eccentric gentleman called, ‘Ed Tudor-Pole’. In preparation it wasn’t long before everyone at the office was wearing purple shell suits and calling everybody, ‘guys’, proceeded then by a barrage of corporate buzzwords like, ‘proactive’ and ‘dead wood’.

Anyway, to cut a short story long and before I could exclaim ‘zut alors’, I found myself deep in the middle of the show, power walking from the medieval zone to the industrial zone. Most of the team had been trapped in puzzle rooms; Herbert was the only one to win a crystal but he’d lost his hand in the process. I felt the pressure building as we neared the crystal dome. With only one gold token and seventeen thousand silver ones, it was unlikely we’d be winning the intensive two day orienteering course in Bournemouth. It was then under the watchful eye of Richard O’Brien, Ed asked me to choose between an action or an adventure puzzle.
However, what he didn’t know was that after scouring the small print in the rule book; I, as a British citizen was allowed to request to do the little known Omega puzzle’.
Ed Tudor-Pole looked puzzled; Richard O’Brien was seen running to his Mumzie for comfort and I stood there manly and proud, genitals looking flat and shiny in my purple shells.

They had no option but to take me to the mystical Aztec zone and in doing that, open the door to the Omega puzzle.
Once in the puzzle room Ed set the timer. I had two minutes to get the crystal. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; in the distance I could hear the hiss of the Alba Monotronic speaker system as it piped through the sounds from a Brazilian rainforest. Focussed, I opened my eyes. In front there was a plank which lay on a bed of sand; the studio lights interrupting the naked flame of the bamboo torches as they flickered in the corners of the room dangerously close to the fire extinguishers beneath.
It was clear what had to be done. If I made it to the crystal the Omega rule stated that Ed had to double our bounty.
Controlling my pulse like a stealth fighter I slowly inched my way across the plank, over the pit of rubber crocks, to the puzzle.
Once there I stared into the belly of the Omega puzzle, responsible for driving many a Frenchman mad. But what did it mean. Two wooden shapes on the sand beneath me, one a square, the other a circle. The wall in front contained two voids, one a circle, the other a square.
“What do I do”, I screamed at the rest of the team.
Herbert yelled back through his pain, spitting blood from his tear covered face, “Get out of the room. Now: you’ve only got eight seconds left”
The journey back took me nine seconds, I was trapped.
The team decided not to use the blood soaked crystal to free me, and still under the clause of the Omega rule I had to relinquish the corner office, the big city life and all the money Mr. Stilgoe had given me.
So for me, back in the day turned out to be nothing more than a load of old buffalo chips, and when I got back home someone had cancelled Moonlighting.


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Comments about This Article

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Comment By: Davilla, 15 Nov 2014, Rating: 5/5

q3xvvN Thanks again for the blog.Really thank you!
Comment By: only for 5 dollars, 13 Sep 2013, Rating: 2/5

Bill Nye Food Web: SammieWhat were some of the most important words rteelad to the topic, and what do they mean?Carbon Dioxide- The stuff that we breathe out.~Food Pyramid- Is a source of nutrients.~Decomposers- worms, bacteria etc.~Oxygen- The stuff that breathe in.~Hydroponics- The way to grow food.~Photosynthesis- A process by which green plants and other organisms turn carbon dioxide and water into carbohydrates and oxygen, using light energy trapped by chlorophyll.List a few things you learnt from the video.~Wheat is a plant.~The food web is just like the food pyramid.~Most plants live in the Ocean.~Pizza is made by Plants.Did any parts of the video puzzle or confuse you?~No.Why is this topic important?~This topic is important because if the food web didn’t exist, all living things would die eventually!Have you had experiences in your life that help you understand this topic?Yes, I have watched the video before.~BONUS QUESTIONS~On what do all living things depend to survive?~ Living things depend on plants.What do decomposers do?~Decomposers eat dead stuff.What is photosynthesis?~A process by which green plants and other organisms turn carbon dioxide and water into carbohydr
Comment By: Annerine, 31 Mar 2013, Rating: 1/5

You could have used the sony cube alarm clock to solve the puzzle, if you still had it back then that is....
Comment By: muttongeoff, 26 Jan 2010, Rating: 5/5

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