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Where's Jonesy

10/08/09
David Attenborough writes -

For the past 30 or so days a team of crack bbc camera men and psychologists have been tracking the migratory patterns, rituals and mating habits of an individual known only as lego Indiana jones.

Our journey started on a frosty summers morn’ in the kingdom of the united. Our subject; recently emerged from his bolt hole and unaware of the camera crew, sound technicians and equipment stood in front, to the side, behind and above him moved slowly from his tax free haven to the kitchen.
There he stood motionless on his hind legs kneading his testicles. For a moment Clive, our assistant tea lady thought he was on to us but eventually it became clear he was attempting to work out the mechanics of the fridge door.
After clawing aimlessly at the door for several minutes with his opposable thumbs he then attempted to snuzzle the door open with his nose. If he carried on doing this we would run out of film so Clive decided to break the prime directive and poke the fridge open with a stick. Unfortunately this caused us to break cover as the creature wandered over to us to investigate our presence. Clive was the nearest and therefore the first one to experience it’s pungent odour.
It was then that the creature opened it’s speaking hole for the first time.

It’s hard to explain what noise came form it’s underdeveloped vocal capabilities but it sounded something like, “It belongs in a museum”
Luckily our communications expert, also called Clive was at hand and with his vast knowledge of ancient dialects and such, he was able to deduce that the creature was talking in, ‘Film’; a relatively new language spoken by those amongst us who watch way way too much t.v. Clive was also able to deduce that the creature had spent the previous evening watching one or all three of the older Indiana Jones films. Clive concluded that the creature had not seen the last Indiana Jones film because it hadn’t taken it’s own life.

“Listen lady”, it spoke. . . . .; Was this a direct attempt at communication with Clive.
“This never happened to the other fella”; . . . . .Sadly no.

As we followed the creature around we learned it had an amazing dialect of over fifty phrases; Forty eight of them seemed to be from old Bruce Willis films, the rest were known to have originated from medium budget action movies or the film Deep Rising.
Deducing the style of film this creature entertained we set up an action scenario with a damsel in distress to see how it would react; however the creature simply looked confused and when it noticed a member of the opposite sex, froze for a second before going red and disappearing without a trace.

He is yet to return to his lair. . .


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Comments about This Article

The logline is a mess. So they do the mdurer thing before they steal the ticket? Or is stealing the ticket an afterthought? I'm guessing you meant to edit out against'. Nice film quality on the trailer though it to comes at you with a lot of information and yet not enough to really figure out if it's a movie I want to see. Watched it twice and still not sure where the story is.VN:F [1.9.17_1161](from 0 votes)
Comment By: Hermann, 15 Nov 2014, Rating: 4/5

DKPATr Say, you got a nice post.Much thanks again. Will read on...
Comment By: crorkz matz, 05 Aug 2014, Rating: 3/5

I still remember the one time I saw him in peorsn -- ASU at USC. I vividly recall the hair flowing out the back of his helmet, and just above the back of his name on the back of his travelling white Sun Devil jersey.I had focused in my binoculars on him after a play, and he was walking back in about the 50 yard line (going towards the Coliseum closed end) after a long SC pass play attempt.Funny the little snipets of life the mind chooses to remember. I think I focused in on him because I wondered who the guy with the long hair was (Not a particularly popular style at the time).I guess the answer to that question was (improbable as it seemed at the time): A Hero.- Mongo
Comment By: Anand, 21 Dec 2012, Rating: 3/5

Oh......What now!!! What are you looking at???
Comment By: Finnegan from Deep Rising, 11 Aug 2009, Rating: 5/5

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