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A Look Into Magic with Paul Daniels
People often come up to me and ask me how I got so rich and famous just doing stupid magic tricks. I turn to them and I say "now that's magic". (It doesn't make sense, but it's all they really want to hear).
Those of us who were there at the beginning will remember that God blessed me with a gift and gave me instructions to use it for the benefit of mankind. Occasionally I look back and wish that instead I had been blessed with the gift of not being a short bald man with a scarecrow wife, but as we say in the magic circle, never do a horse in the mouth, and I've always tried not to, with moderate success.

SO I took my gift to the big bosses on the TV, and asked them if I could do magical show on the box, and they said they could do one better, and flushed my head down the toilet. So used my gift, and sent a plague of petulance and a plague of toes unto their homes and the homes of their loved ones. They soon saw sense and put me on the television with my own show that ran for 47 years. I had to maintain my youthful look for the duration - that was part of the deal.

I then turned my gift to more practical matters, like hurrying along the untimely demise of that bloke who had the 'Magic' number plate I coveted so, and making Debbie McGee think I was hot (I threw money in her face till she went blind).

These days I mostly use my magic for household tasks, like clearing out the loft and going to the toilet, but I like to feel that in my worthy life time I have done my bit, and I sleep restfully at night knowing that God is pleased with me.
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