Music is my life.
Music is how I've made my living.
Music is what I will be remembered for.
So what else can I write about?
In 1970 I left the Beatles. It was the hardest thing I've had to do, except for eating Lindaís sausages, hearing her sing and seeing Heather naked sans plastic leg and still managing to fancy her.
People often ask, "When will we hear more Lennon & McCartney songs?"
To which I always reply, "You mean McCartney/Lennon?" They usually say,"Er...Yes"
So I say "Well, when Yoko gets short of cash again."
But as I sit here writing this and earning 1 million quid an hour I feel lucky. Mainly because I have a bird in her 30s and I'm in my 60s, but also because I've got to do what I love all my life for a living. Remember the duets I did with that Jackson fella? (Incidentally, do you think he's guilty? I do, I'm going to write a song about it "hey, donít do that" which will be on my new album "So middle of the road now I'm practically a white line"*) I also got to make Band on the Run, Venus and Mars, Live and Let Die, all great songs. I mean, now that the other lads are all dead, dead and gone.
I'm the last Beatle.
Yea, I know, Ringo isnít dead, but he may as well be, the only good thing he's done since the split was to knock up Barbara Bach.
I also thought a good way to talk about music would be to promote my forthcoming world tour and album.
I think we are all music, in a way.
I have compiled a list of my favourites for you.
The best people at music are:
I have duets with all of the above, except for Phil Cool; he wanted to do it as Rolf Harris, then changed his mind and started doing Rik Mayall impressions, so we threw him out. Also, Jim Davidson did a song in the style of his hilarious racist character "Chalky" which no one remembers and he is able to host family programmes, amazingly. A bit like Bernard Manning doing Newsround.
So, look out for my album*, love each other, and love me.
Sir Paul McCartney
*"So middle of the road now I'm practically a white line" is out on August 8th
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