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A Look Into Why I Need to Use Wet Look Gel with Ian McShane  Average Rating: 2.3 out of 5
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A Look Into Area 51 with Larry Hagman  Average Rating: 2.2 out of 5
A Look Into Cross-Dressing with Eddie Izzard  Average Rating: 2.5 out of 5
A Look Into pathalogical lying with Steven Seagal  Average Rating: 2.4 out of 5
A Look Into Cooking with Richard Griffiths  Average Rating: 3 out of 5
A Look Into getting kicked in the bollocks with Michel Lonsdale  Average Rating: 2.7 out of 5
A Look Into Shooting Monkeys with Kelsey Grammer  Average Rating: 2.8 out of 5
A Look Into Crime with Ben Elton
Good evening ladies and gentlemen I'm Ben Elton.
There is something shocking out in the streets of London every night, something we all see and do nothing about; I'm talking about all these musicals I'm involved with. There's about as much point of making a musical with Queen Music as there is making slush puppies out of dog shit, and some would say that’s what we’ve done anyway.

But seriously ladies and gentlemen, crime is a serious issue, and one I feel very strongly about.
I was so incensed about crime I wrote a hard hitting television programme about it called “The Thin Blue Line”
Which to be honest didn’t work out how I intended, instead of making people think about what a tough job our boys in blue have, it merely launched the career(albeit a short one) of a little Kenneth Williams wannabe woofter.

People often say to me, “When will there be another series of Blackadder?” I say, “What about the hilarious Blackadder back and forth?” They then usually say, “Yea, but that was shite.” I can’t really argue with that.

I remember the night very well, I was walking back to my crazy student house, and probably about to tell someone off for eating my student sausage, when I was mugged. I was terrified, luckily, I didn’t have any money on me, as I was a penniless crazy student, and I’d just spent all my money buying my student sausages. I explained to the mugger that I was broke, the mugger asked, “Well, what have you got that’s worth something?”
I then did a ten minute stand up routine about Thatcher, putting my feet up on the train and pubes, when I had finished the mugger was gone, luckily for me, it was obviously all just too funny.

My car is always being nicked, but I don’t really mind, as my insurance company are very good. They assure me that’s the price you pay for having an Austin Princess, it’s such a dream of a ride everyone wants one.

The thing about crime is that we can all do something about it; we can all help each other, I just wish we could all see it. But then again, I often wish that my film, “Maybe Baby” had been a hit, but you have to be realistic.

I’m off to write a new god awful hit musical for some other god awful act. I’ve been the has been Ben Elton, good night.
Nothing written on this site is intended to be true or factual, and none of the celebrities named in the 'Look Into' section have anything to do with this website. Their 'contributions' are entirely fictional and have been created by the authors of Hobo-Bonobo. The opinions expressed on are not those of anyone, particularly not the people to whom they have been accredited.

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